Former president and newly established self-portrait painter George Bush today will expand, perhaps, his intellectual horizons by setting foot in a library, the first time he has ever done so in his six decades on the planet. In this case, it will be his own Presidential library, but it's a first for him, nonetheless.
"It's not like I never thought of libarries," Bush said during a break in his afternoon Lego play time. "But there is no one to play with in a libarry, so they're really not that much fun." For years, his wife, former First Lady Laura Bush, attempted to interest the former president in reading, to no avail. "Once I saw him pretend to read an upside down children's book to a group of kindergarteners on 9/11, I knew I was wasting my time," she said. "I mean, what's the freaking point? I get further by meditating," said Mrs. Bush.
For the Former First Lady, it was her husband's functional illiteracy that pushed her to become a literacy advocate for others. "I know George is hopeless. He might look at the pictures in a Penthouse magazine, but only if I assure him that he'll understand the story without knowing the words. I mean, who are we kidding here?"
So why a Presidential Library? "That's a fair and reasonable question," said Mrs. Bush. "Frankly, I want to get him out of the house. He's driving me nuts. It gives him a place to go, and continue pretending he's president, just like he did for the eight years we lived in the White House. But I suppose calling it a 'library' is a little over the top, isn't it?" she said with a knowing smirk. "But we had to call it something, and there was no way in hell we could ever have called it a 'think tank.'"