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For the first time in recorded history, a fiancee of former police officer Drew Peterson has left his home, walking and alive. "This is an unprecedented event, one that historians will no doubt study for its uniqueness and rarity," said Ripper's Believe it or Not chairman Sig Nificant.
Peterson, through a spokesman, said that while he was disappointed, he would not rush to judgement as to the significance of the event, as the slow acting poison he had been feeding her typically does not produce results this quickly, and may yet achieve its intended effect. Said Peterson, "I'm aware that people view me with suspicion, but give me a little credit. I'm not a moron."
Peterson's fiancee, Doe Peigh, refused to comment on her departure, although her nursery school teacher cautioned that people should not make too much of it. "She leaves for nursery school every day at the same time."
Nonetheless, neighborhood observers were quick to note that Peterson had just purchased a new playground set and sandbox for his fiancee, and one observed that he must have been caught off guard by his fiancee's sudden departure. "No doubt," said neighbor Blyndeff Andumb, "Drew was caught with his pants down this time."
